backpain

is killing me.The price I pay for my disobedience.

In the words of Rod Stewart:

I don't wanna talk about it,

how you broke my heart...

ps:I'm not perfect.I'm not supergirl either.

don't speak

I do not need to speak to anyone right now.

No,I don't want to.

Not at the moment.

unexplainable

PTM was downright awful like a bad taste of medicine in your mouth.I should either be sleeping or finishing up my homework right now.But,no,I'm not doing any of that.Cause I am here,blogging.Wait,no,more like rambling.Hmmm...The house feels so quiet suddenly.I can't remember the last time I felt this silence.I just can't seem to explain why the heck am I blogging at this ungodly hour and blogging about absolutely nothing at all.Brain is dead.

I'm rather upset.No,I'm NOT emo,I insist.

Getting hurt won't kill me.

And,oh..
Life transformation is rooted in mind transformation.

just words

Have you ever felt that you wanted to say so much but in the end,you hold everything in?

Even if you tried saying it,you'll just end up choking on your very own words.

I'm starting to wonder,what if I never got the chance to say it all?

Every time I want to say words and things that I need to,I'll just end up putting it off.Cause it's just too hard and also,perhaps,I just never got the chance to.
Will it ever be too late?

I guess my words never meant a thing.

And,it never will.

I'm perfectly fine with it.

Hole in my soul

My two week break officially ends today.Tomorrow,everything starts again.The hectic schedule,the homeworks,the tests and all the crazy painful things I could ever experience,starts TOMORROW.sigh.

When I go back to college tomorrow,the 2nd semester begins and so will all pain.Not to mention,I have got to settle some eca things.I will be on a temporary break from all events for my parents are very unhappy with my performace academically.I'm really sorry for letting you down mummy and daddy. :( I promise I'll be working much harder for the 2nd semester and my AS exam.So,before I can be free from all the eca,I have to settle what ever work that has left and I don't think it'll be easy.I have got the pre-med and Leader's stuff to settle.I can feel myself slowly dying already,knowing I'm in deeep s***.Thanks to the people out there who made things even more difficult for me.You know who you are.

On a more positive note,I managed to do many things during my 2 weeks break. (: Ahhh...Happy things.I went out with Nad Maf,Lisz on friday nights.Lisz is such a good driver to all of us. :P I manage to meet up with YL and Zen too.My favourite of all,ps2 afternoons almost all week.I absolutely love those moments.I also manage to watch Monsters vs Aliens,Night at The Museum 2 and Transformers 2.I can now cancel that off my to-do list ;) The process of getting Transformers tickets was exciting,and I must say,totally worth it!To come to think of it,it is our very first night movie.chehh..haha.On those days I was at home,I spent it reading books I never got the chance to that was waiting for me on the shelf.All in all,it was a pretty nice holiday.I must say,I quite enjoy it though it wasn't as long as I wish for it to be.I am really happy I got to spend time with friends that I miss dearly and also him. (:

I'm happy for the 2 weeks break.However,I'm not quite sure if the holidays did me any good.I've definitely gone rusty about all the things I learned for the past 4 months.Going back tomorrow to face all of it again will most defiinitely require some warm up tonight!I've gone rather insomniac a bit,and I have to get over it soon.I checked my time table for semester 2,all the lecturers are different from semester 1 except for Physics and Math.sigh.I'm going to miss Ms.A I tell you.I do hope semester 2 will be a better one and perhaps,things will improve.I want it to.As the brand new semester commences,I will have a new list of things to do.On a better note,I can now have lunch every with G6 friends every friday.Hear that?E-v-e-r-y Friday!Woohoo!Plus,I still get to have lunch with him twice a week.Super thankful for that!And,um...that's pretty much the bright side of things.Haha.I'm praying it'll be an awesome 2nd semester.

I'm just not so psyched for college,not yet at least.I feel like an utter failure with the many things I need to sort out. :( The state I'm in right now makes me an utter failure,or at least makes me feel like one.Thus,the post title.

Till something blog worthy,

Goodbye...

No sleep tonight

I have this sick twisted feeling in my stomach.I really do feel like I'm going to throw up any moment now.Wondering if it's something I ate.sigh.

I feel numb.Absolutely numb.I feel all choked up about how my world just turn upside down in a day.I think I underestimated life and now it's getting back at me.HAH.

I'll be taking a break from here and all that had happened.

So,see you in a while.

All my love,
Cheryl

save me baby

SERIOUSLY?Of all days,today?

When I finally decide to play Atlantica after a long break from it,today is the day where there's a blardy maintainence.Come on people!I need a breather.I need distractions.I need something.I need comfort.

I can't take another dissapointment.Please,no more.I'm on the edge of just exploding.sigh.

drained.emotionally drained that is.

Cuddle me,like a child cuddles his teddy.
Love me like the desert loves the rain.

Thoughts turn to hurtful feelings

So I was a little bruised...

It's just sometimes,the some things you do,we do,gets me thinking.

Don't worry sweetheart,
Bruises heal fast.

We turn 3

C is for the first initials of your name and mine.
3 is the number of years you have held my hand and walked by my side even in difficult times.It was the number of years you never left my side for anything or anyone else.3 is the number of years we were best friends and shared everything together,good or bad.It was the number of years you have taught me to love and trust and many more.3 is the number of years you have not gave up on us and put in all your effort to make things work.3 is the number of years we have loved each other.And,I still love you and I know you love me too.


To my love,

I am really sorry for all the arguments we had in the recent months.I know I had made things difficult for not only you but me.I have said and also done many hurtful things but I never meant any of it.It never came sincerely from the heart.It was anger and emotions that took over me and spoke.I promise you,I never meant any of those offending words and actions.For all the unhappy moments we had,perhaps it's our very own ego and selfishness that had caused it.But,I know,we're not perfect and I don't expect us to be.Through this moments we have became stronger and know each other better.I'll just make sure I won't let these moments get to me and ruin what we have.During the past few months,I didn't feel quite myself.Perhaps,I had lost faith in what I believed in at once and maybe that had caused to me to change.I was the cause of my own destruction.I just didn't know how to tell you.All I could tell you was that I was unhappy.
I apologise for the misunderstandings that we had.I may not tell or show you enough but I am still deeply in love with you.

This day,I cannot offer anything else except the love I always had for you.You have done so much for me but I have not done the same for you.It's is time for me to do the same for you.I will give my all in this relationship just like you.I'm picking myself up now,and continue to rebuild myself.I'm learning to love and trust better.I am learning to be a better person.Cause you deserve the best of me.I am taking this one step at a time,so please,give me time.Let this be a fresh start for you and me. :)

I just want to take this opportunity to tell you how much I appreciate you.I am truly blessed to have someone like you.I want you to know that I am really happy to be with you and I love love love love you so much.Yes,I do.Very much.Chuah En Quan,you better not forget that.
Thank you for everything,Hun.I'm looking forward to continue to share what ever we have,good or bad.Remember,even if at times I'm really angry,I still love you silly!Nothing can change that.
;)



PS: I like LOVE what we have.No matter what it is.'The married for more than 10 years' phase or any other phase.I still apprecite it,alot.

Life can't tear us apart

ohemgee.I should be studying now.Like,really STUDY!
Exam is on Wednesday,and here I am,wasting precious time blogging!shoot me.

Here's some pics from the sleepover.We didn't get to do much cause I was dead tired and Zen had to leave in the morning for worship practice.And,I talked to Zen in my sleep! :/ How embarassing.hah.

Told ya I was sleepy and tired


The grump

The patient bestfriend

The next day,Saturday, was pretty off for me.I did wish that I have spent it better but oh well,life was never fair.So,why should it be on my birthday?






PS:Thanks girl for all you've done for me.I'm very happy for you,for that change in your life.It's great to see you happier and on a whole new journey.I love you! :)
You're so mine during when my holiday starts!